Today, Mommy is a Goddamn Saint

In the past, I have admitted to my daughter that I can be an asshole. That I am less than perfect, as a mom, and that I have a lot to apologize and feel guilty for.

Today is not that day.

Dear sweet, lovely daughter of mine,

Today, Mommy is a goddamn saint.

This morning, when you woke up and immediately demanded a Popsicle and 3 episodes of Caillou, Mommy took a deep breath. Then, Mommy smiled and deflected that request by asking if you wanted to play doctor 17 times in a row. Then, she let you watch a single episode of Caillou and made it seem like a special treat.

Mommy knows what a fucking miracle she just created, averting the meltdown that was about to happen there. Especially since it was 6:02am and she hadn’t yet had a single drop of coffee.

Later on, when you were begging to watch Frozen and Mommy was tempted to let it happen, just so she could zone out on the couch for an hour or so, she offered the Next Best Thing to TV. She offered to take you to the park for the rest of the morning, so you could burn off some energy. Even though it meant getting you dressed, getting herself dressed, brushing your hair and *sob* putting sunscreen on everyone. On a day she’d rather not leave the house.

All for you.

When it was lunch time, and you declared that you would only eat 22 Goldfish, no more, no less, Mommy nodded and smiled and parlayed that into a balanced lunch. 5 slices of cheese, 3 crackers, 3 mini carrots, 6 cucumber pieces and a slice of apple is no small victory. And you STILL got your Goldfish, but you didn’t want all 22 because you were already pretty full, from lunch. Ha!

This afternoon, while the baby napped, you asked if you could make a craft with glitter. Instead of pretending she didn’t hear you, Mommy decided to Mom Up and say yes. Yes to the glitter. Sweetie, you have NO IDEA how special you are, that she said yes to the glitter.

See what I mean? SuperMom.

And when you wanted to “play Frozen,” which essentially means re-enacting all the scenes you know by heart from the movie, Mommy said yes, because she knew how big your smile would be. And even though she wanted to roll her eyes every single time you asked her if she’d like to build a snowman, Mommy played along.

Today was a day that Mommy said Yes. Yes to the things that were good for you, that maybe took a bit more energy than she wanted to give and a bit more clean up than she wanted to do. But she did them anyway. Because, sweet girl, you are worth it, every single time.

And while Mommy can’t always muster the MommyBalls that it takes to do the right thing, she is always so much happier when she sees YOU so happy.

Which means that, after kicking up her feet tonight with a nice glass of wine, she will try and be this good again tomorrow.

But she’s not making any promises.

~g

The new adventures of potty-training a child who’s almost in kindergarten

Thank you, Steppy, for this awesome image!

I am so screwed.

I have a training-resistant kid who does not give a flying fuck if she wears diapers for the rest of her goddamn life.

And she starts kindergarten in exactly 3 months.

Things Overheard This Week, Episode 18

It’s been an eventful week over here. Wait, do I say that every Sunday? I think I do. I guess it’s called “having kids.” Anyway, this week marked the beginning of baby C getting his first molar in. Who knows how long this fresh hell will last? I also managed to come down with mastitis, of all things. My baby is almost a year old, and I get mastitis now?? THANKS, BREASTS. So that knocked me out for a few days, but thank god for the discovery of penicillin! I’m right as rain now, thankfully.

I’m in the midst of a solo-parenting run, right now. The Husband is away for 6 days, but it feels almost like a vacation currently, thanks to one set of grandparents taking the Threenager for a few nights, to help ease the load. I was relieved when they offered, but of course I’ve thought about her constantly since she’s been gone. That’s how it goes, doesn’t it? Anyway, this week’s things overheard seem to mostly star the Husband and/or the Threenager:

*On the subway with her dad, the Threenager spots a man nearby with a long, Santa Claus-style beard*

The Threenager, at the top of her lungs and pointing: HAHA, A BIG BEARD!!!
Man with beard: … *turns red*
The Husband: …*smiles weakly, also turns red*

Me: I came up with a really funny one-liner!
The Husband, not looking up: *tapping away at his computer*
Me: …
The Husband, finally looking up at me: Can I just..finish typing this thing?
Me: Yeah yeah…
The Husband: *finally looks up expectantly*
Me: Okay, “Molars are the assholes of the teething world!” …get it?
The Husband: *looking at me, expressionless*
Me: Not that funny, eh?
The Husband: …*purses lips*
Me: Well it got lots of “likes” on Facebook!!

The Threenager, while jumping on our bed: Hop, jump, leak little froggy! Leak, leak, leak little froggy! Hop, jump, leak little froggy! Leak, leak, leak little froggy! (and so on)

The Husband: I can’t tell if you’re doing this on purpose, to get out of loading the dishwasher, or if you just really suck at loading the top rack. Either way, please stop.
Me: HAHAHAHA. Sorry sweetie, I just suck.

Happy Sunday!

~g

Things Overheard This Week, episode 17

It was a pretty normal week over here, filled with chaos, meltdowns and screaming…and that was just the Teen! She’s going to kill me for writing that. All of those things did happen, just mostly thanks to the Threenager and baby C, who turned 11 months old this week. Wow, I can’t quite believe that.

Things Overheard This Week, episode 16

Okay, I think we can safely say that my birthday week extravaganza is officially over. Between all the yummy cupcakes, chocolate chip pancakes, mani-pedi, gab sessions with good friends, chocolate chip cookie cake, burgers, fried chicken and waffles, beer, truffles and then an entire child-free day that the Husband planned for me today (in conjunction with both sets of grandparents), I am totally blissed out!

And full. Really, really full.

I think my major take-away this week has been the realization that my life was missing a bit of self-care. So getting spoiled a bit by those I love really filled my tank back up. I feel a little less exhausted, a little less depleted and pretty lucky. And those are all really good feelings to have.

Now, here’s the funny.

The Threenager: Mama, we’re going to pick up your birthday cake, but IT’S A SURPRISE!
Me: …
The Husband: And do you think it’s still a surprise, now?
The Threenager, nodding with big, wide eyes: Uh-huh!

The Husband is taking the Threenager with him to pick up my birthday cake. They are listening to a talk radio program.

The Threenager, without any pausing: Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada.
The Husband: YES?!

We are all out on a walk through a nearby ravine on a nature trail. There are lots of runners and cyclists, and plenty of people walking dogs. A woman runs by with a Yorkie Terrier.

The Threenager, at the top of her lungs and pointing: LOOK, MAMA! A RAT! A RAT!
Me: *doubled over, trying not to laugh too obnoxiously*

Happy Memorial Day, to my American friends! And happy Sunday night, to everyone else. 😉

~g

The best birthday story I’ve been able to tell, pretty much ever.

Nothing says “it’s your birthday” like tacos, Prosecco, cupcakes…and puking all over yourself.

Wait.

That last part was the Threenager, not me. 

Things Overheard This Week, episode 15

It’s the long weekend, here in Canada. Victoria Day weekend, or May 2-4. Yay! This means two things for us, here: we are getting mighty close to my birthday (sometimes my birthday actually falls on this weekend, which is kind of awesome), so cake and parties are a big topic of conversation; and it’s generally our first trip of the season up to the Husband’s family cottage.

The Big Adventure, or How to Live Outside Your Comfort Zone for 2 Hours

The Ridge we descended..from the bottom.

Wednesdays are generally a special day for the Husband and Threenager. They go to this outdoor education program called the p.i.n.e. project, which emphasizes stewardship of nature and the environment, while learning about and experiencing the outdoors, for both children and adults. The Husband feels passionately about going, and it’s been incredible to see the Threenager gain confidence and independence being outdoors.

I’ve never been, myself. Until yesterday.

Yesterday, the Husband had some unavoidable Stuff To Take Care Of. So the option of me taking the Threenager (and baby C) to this weekly class in an unknown west end park came available. “What the hell, why not?” I said.

Things Overheard This Week, Episode 14

Happy Mother’s Day!

I’m looking with pride at my very first paper flower Mother’s Day gift, from the Threenager. You know you’ve made it as a parent when you get one of these. Am I right?

This week is a special edition of Things Overheard, one that includes a whole bunch of quotes from the grandparents as well. One night a week, the Threenager has a sleepover with a set of grandparents, and as you can imagine, she says funny shit with them, too. Here are just some of the things she’s said, recently.

In the car with Grandma and Grandpa, Grandpa guns it as he pulls away from a traffic light.

The Threenager: Wow, Grandpa! That was fast! This car has POWER!

In the car with Nana, on the way to the Toy Store.

The Threenager: Nana, are you going to learn to drive when you get older?
Nana: Well…I AM older and I AM driving…
The Threenager: Yes, but are you going to learn to drive?
Nana: …

Later that day, as part of an ongoing conversation about getting older and driving.

The Threenager: I’m going to learn to drive when I get older.
Nana: Of course you will, and you’ll be a very good driver.
The Threenager: I know I will. And I’ll be able to drive you to the hospital to get you fixed.
Nana: …

The Threenager, to our cat who was sharpening her claws on our leather chair: Stop that! That is not insectable! (acceptable)

Driving home from daycare with the Husband.

The Threenager: Oh, I saw the desert! We just drove past it.

On the same drive home…

The Threenager: When we get home, can I have some raw eggs?
The Husband: RAW eggs??
The Threenager: Yes, that’s how Mama gives them to me.
The Husband: …

Upon arriving home…

The Threenager, trying to open the front door: Oh, the door is locked! We’ll have to find a new home.

Now go outside enjoy this beautiful day!

~g

Today, Mommy is an Asshole

Not too long ago, a fellow writer wrote a beautiful, touching piece called, “Today, Mommy is Sad.” It made me tear up, because it took me back to when I was pregnant for the second time and struggling to deal with my conflicting emotions.

Today is a different story.