Today, Mommy is a Goddamn Saint

In the past, I have admitted to my daughter that I can be an asshole. That I am less than perfect, as a mom, and that I have a lot to apologize and feel guilty for.

Today is not that day.

Dear sweet, lovely daughter of mine,

Today, Mommy is a goddamn saint.

This morning, when you woke up and immediately demanded a Popsicle and 3 episodes of Caillou, Mommy took a deep breath. Then, Mommy smiled and deflected that request by asking if you wanted to play doctor 17 times in a row. Then, she let you watch a single episode of Caillou and made it seem like a special treat.

Mommy knows what a fucking miracle she just created, averting the meltdown that was about to happen there. Especially since it was 6:02am and she hadn’t yet had a single drop of coffee.

Later on, when you were begging to watch Frozen and Mommy was tempted to let it happen, just so she could zone out on the couch for an hour or so, she offered the Next Best Thing to TV. She offered to take you to the park for the rest of the morning, so you could burn off some energy. Even though it meant getting you dressed, getting herself dressed, brushing your hair and *sob* putting sunscreen on everyone. On a day she’d rather not leave the house.

All for you.

When it was lunch time, and you declared that you would only eat 22 Goldfish, no more, no less, Mommy nodded and smiled and parlayed that into a balanced lunch. 5 slices of cheese, 3 crackers, 3 mini carrots, 6 cucumber pieces and a slice of apple is no small victory. And you STILL got your Goldfish, but you didn’t want all 22 because you were already pretty full, from lunch. Ha!

This afternoon, while the baby napped, you asked if you could make a craft with glitter. Instead of pretending she didn’t hear you, Mommy decided to Mom Up and say yes. Yes to the glitter. Sweetie, you have NO IDEA how special you are, that she said yes to the glitter.

See what I mean? SuperMom.

And when you wanted to “play Frozen,” which essentially means re-enacting all the scenes you know by heart from the movie, Mommy said yes, because she knew how big your smile would be. And even though she wanted to roll her eyes every single time you asked her if she’d like to build a snowman, Mommy played along.

Today was a day that Mommy said Yes. Yes to the things that were good for you, that maybe took a bit more energy than she wanted to give and a bit more clean up than she wanted to do. But she did them anyway. Because, sweet girl, you are worth it, every single time.

And while Mommy can’t always muster the MommyBalls that it takes to do the right thing, she is always so much happier when she sees YOU so happy.

Which means that, after kicking up her feet tonight with a nice glass of wine, she will try and be this good again tomorrow.

But she’s not making any promises.

~g

The new adventures of potty-training a child who’s almost in kindergarten

Thank you, Steppy, for this awesome image!

I am so screwed.

I have a training-resistant kid who does not give a flying fuck if she wears diapers for the rest of her goddamn life.

And she starts kindergarten in exactly 3 months.

Sorry, but this mom doesn’t have all the answers.

As a blogger and freelance writer, I am constantly trying to find a balance between writing quality pieces, and writing pieces that get the clicks. Sometimes, I find the perfect combination of the two, and things go crazy for a while. And then I realize I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, after all.

For me, this is also motherhood.

A Letter to the Woman I Was, One Year Ago

To the woman I was one year ago,

Oh sweet, sad Mama. You are in the thick of it right now, and I know you can’t see a way out. It’s hard enough being the mom of a spirited two year old, but add on an unplanned pregnancy and having to put your own big plans on hiatus? It’s no wonder you’re feeling low, confused and scared.

There are so many things I wish I could share with you, to make life more bearable.

I want to tell you that, even though it feels like one door is closing in your career, another one is getting ready to appear. In the coming months, you will embark on a path you never could have guessed, though you dreamed of it, long ago. The sadness, the fear, the anxiety that you feel? They will all be feelings that you will become grateful for, because they’ll become a catalyst for something greater.

I want you to know that, even though you can’t imagine loving another child as much as your sweet girl, you will. Your heart will double in size when he’s born, and there will be room for everyone in it. The little boy growing inside of you will be none of the things you are afraid he will be. He’ll be easygoing, happy, smart and healthy. And when your now-three year old gets home from preschool every day, she will come in the door calling his name, and run to hug him immediately.

I know you’re anxious, but I want to reassure you that having your teenage stepdaughter move into your already crowded house, in the fall, will actually make your family feel complete. Sure it will be a challenge; she’s a teenager, after all. But she will add so much to your home, and your two youngest will adore seeing their big sister all the time.

No, life will not be easy. There will be countless days of not enough sleep, of feeling like a zombie and still having to function. Yes, there will be plenty of challenges. The teenager will need help adjusting to her new life and to high school. The richness that your life is developing, however, will make it all feel worthwhile.

So hang on and ride out the storm, together with the good man that is your husband, as life gets tougher and tougher still. I don’t want to take this pain away from you, because it will make you so much stronger, more creative, and more of who you really are. Instead, I want you to embrace it, knowing that better days are coming. So feel those deep, dark feelings. You need them, to see how beautiful your life will be.

And it will be beautiful.

~g

Today, Mommy is an Asshole

Not too long ago, a fellow writer wrote a beautiful, touching piece called, “Today, Mommy is Sad.” It made me tear up, because it took me back to when I was pregnant for the second time and struggling to deal with my conflicting emotions.

Today is a different story.

The Revolution will be….comfortable, dammit.

That’s right, ladies. It’s time to fight back. Enough with the pressure to look sexy and “together” mere months (or years!) after having your kids. Love your damn self the way you are! Comfy pants all the way.

This all began with Emily-Jane from How to Survive A Sleep Thief, and the call was taken up by Emily of Hold Me, Don’t Hold Me. I am here to join their revolution, and I am asking you to do the same. (#FunFact: my middle name is Emily, too! We are, in fact, a team of Emilys!)

We are here to tell you that you don’t have to pour yourself into your skinny jeans to be a cool mom. You just need to be you. And be real. Crusted baby vomit, smeared yogurt stains and all. So I am posting my #notskinnyjeansselfie here, and another on Facebook and Twitter, and asking you to do the same, using the tag above! Join the revolution, and show the world that we can look good without designer duds, living large in 4-day-old fuzzy socks!

No skinny jeans. No makeup. Also, no socks.

Join me. You know you wanna.

~g

A message for new mothers that bears repeating

Hey!

So I feel incredibly lucky to be getting so many posts put up by HuffPost Canada. They are amazingly supportive, and it’s wonderful to know some of the pieces I’ve written with important messages are getting seen by more people. That’s really what it’s all about, for me.

Things Overheard This Week, Episode 4

Every week, I think to myself, “there is no way I’m going to have enough funny moments for people to read and enjoy.” And yet, this household hasn’t let me down yet!

*The Husband and the Threenager are talking about hair*
The Threenager: And you had long hair, Dada?
The Husband: Yes, a long time ago I did.
The Threenager (said with derision): Are you kidding me? BOYS don’t have long HAIR!

Thank You

Yesterday, I shared a big secret.

I have to tell you: I wrote that post weeks ago, and only just had the courage to post it yesterday. And that’s really because I bit the bullet a few days before, and actually scheduled the post for Friday, so that I could just forget about it* and move on, hoping for the best, but also just kind of pretending the whole thing wasn’t happening. It was that scary, to me.

The post went up. It was very quiet, and it felt like there were fewer “likes” and comments, for the first hour or two. I began to worry that I had maybe written it badly, or scared some people off, with my frankness.

Then the flood began.

It’s time for me to come out

I know it seems like nothing but sunshine and unicorns over here, but I think it’s time I shared something with you. Brace yourselves, this is a long one.

I started this blog in an attempt to be authentic. To be as much of myself as I could, warts and all, and to laugh at myself and my kids, and make you laugh, too. But I’ve been remiss in sharing a very important part of who I am.

You see, for more than a year now, I’ve been battling prenatal and postpartum depression and anxiety.