Ch-ch-ch-ch-CHANGES!

Bear with me, ladies and gents. I am in the midst of making the move to a self-hosted website! I have so much to share, but haven’t had the time to share it.

While I’m composing all kinds of new posts, please check out a few recent posts I’ve written that have been on some of my favourite sites, if you missed them when I posted them on my Facebook page:

30 Thoughts During My First Post Partum Run – BLUNTmoms

13 Things That Make You Normal, Not a Bad Parent – Scary Mommy

I promise to be back next week with some fun camping stories. Because camping with the Threenager was fucking HILARIOUS.

Happy Summer!

~g

Today, Mommy is a Goddamn Saint

In the past, I have admitted to my daughter that I can be an asshole. That I am less than perfect, as a mom, and that I have a lot to apologize and feel guilty for.

Today is not that day.

Dear sweet, lovely daughter of mine,

Today, Mommy is a goddamn saint.

This morning, when you woke up and immediately demanded a Popsicle and 3 episodes of Caillou, Mommy took a deep breath. Then, Mommy smiled and deflected that request by asking if you wanted to play doctor 17 times in a row. Then, she let you watch a single episode of Caillou and made it seem like a special treat.

Mommy knows what a fucking miracle she just created, averting the meltdown that was about to happen there. Especially since it was 6:02am and she hadn’t yet had a single drop of coffee.

Later on, when you were begging to watch Frozen and Mommy was tempted to let it happen, just so she could zone out on the couch for an hour or so, she offered the Next Best Thing to TV. She offered to take you to the park for the rest of the morning, so you could burn off some energy. Even though it meant getting you dressed, getting herself dressed, brushing your hair and *sob* putting sunscreen on everyone. On a day she’d rather not leave the house.

All for you.

When it was lunch time, and you declared that you would only eat 22 Goldfish, no more, no less, Mommy nodded and smiled and parlayed that into a balanced lunch. 5 slices of cheese, 3 crackers, 3 mini carrots, 6 cucumber pieces and a slice of apple is no small victory. And you STILL got your Goldfish, but you didn’t want all 22 because you were already pretty full, from lunch. Ha!

This afternoon, while the baby napped, you asked if you could make a craft with glitter. Instead of pretending she didn’t hear you, Mommy decided to Mom Up and say yes. Yes to the glitter. Sweetie, you have NO IDEA how special you are, that she said yes to the glitter.

See what I mean? SuperMom.

And when you wanted to “play Frozen,” which essentially means re-enacting all the scenes you know by heart from the movie, Mommy said yes, because she knew how big your smile would be. And even though she wanted to roll her eyes every single time you asked her if she’d like to build a snowman, Mommy played along.

Today was a day that Mommy said Yes. Yes to the things that were good for you, that maybe took a bit more energy than she wanted to give and a bit more clean up than she wanted to do. But she did them anyway. Because, sweet girl, you are worth it, every single time.

And while Mommy can’t always muster the MommyBalls that it takes to do the right thing, she is always so much happier when she sees YOU so happy.

Which means that, after kicking up her feet tonight with a nice glass of wine, she will try and be this good again tomorrow.

But she’s not making any promises.

~g

Father’s Day – Stepping Up

You know, sometimes it can be hard to truly appreciate how good you have it, when you’ve never had it any other way.

I grew up with a supportive, loving Dad. A man who worked his tail off to always provide for his family, even when times were tough and his job had morphed into something he didn’t love. A father who was perhaps nervous about his daughter pursuing an arts career, because of the financial and emotional uncertainty it might bring, but supported her anyway. Financially and emotionally.

I married a man who was already a father, when we met. A man who, when others might have run the other way, showed up. And kept showing up. He integrated an incredible daughter into his life, and showed his friends, who weren’t yet parents, how it’s done. And now that we have children of our own, I get to see his love, his patience, his love of teaching and imparting wisdom, every single day.

This husband of mine, who is such a strong and loving man, had an incredible role model, too. A man who showed up to be a father when there was none, and then went on to be a biological father, and loved them all equally.

With three men in my life like this, and a sea of friends who are loving fathers, I find it hard to imagine having it any other way. And I guess that’s why I feel so lucky, today.

Happy Father’s Day, to all the dads who step up and show the world how it’s done.

~g

p.s. the Husband has been sleeping for more than 12 hours now. I’ve been up since 5:30am. That’s how much I love him.

The new adventures of potty-training a child who’s almost in kindergarten

Thank you, Steppy, for this awesome image!

I am so screwed.

I have a training-resistant kid who does not give a flying fuck if she wears diapers for the rest of her goddamn life.

And she starts kindergarten in exactly 3 months.

Sorry, but this mom doesn’t have all the answers.

As a blogger and freelance writer, I am constantly trying to find a balance between writing quality pieces, and writing pieces that get the clicks. Sometimes, I find the perfect combination of the two, and things go crazy for a while. And then I realize I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, after all.

For me, this is also motherhood.

5 Differences I Didn’t Expect, Between Baby Boys and Baby Girls

This post came out of a writing prompt I decided to follow, regarding the differences between boys and girls. As someone who tries not to focus on those differences, it was an interesting journey to take, psychologically speaking. Here’s what I wrote:

When I had my daughter, I was absolutely positive that “Nurture” was responsible for all the girly things that girls ended up doing and preferring. I went about buying gender-neutral toys wherever possible, and I encouraged her to try out activities that could be interpreted as further toward the male side of the spectrum. She had toy cars, and hammer and peg sets, among other things. I thought she did pretty well.

Then I had a son.

Things Overheard This Week, Episode 18

It’s been an eventful week over here. Wait, do I say that every Sunday? I think I do. I guess it’s called “having kids.” Anyway, this week marked the beginning of baby C getting his first molar in. Who knows how long this fresh hell will last? I also managed to come down with mastitis, of all things. My baby is almost a year old, and I get mastitis now?? THANKS, BREASTS. So that knocked me out for a few days, but thank god for the discovery of penicillin! I’m right as rain now, thankfully.

I’m in the midst of a solo-parenting run, right now. The Husband is away for 6 days, but it feels almost like a vacation currently, thanks to one set of grandparents taking the Threenager for a few nights, to help ease the load. I was relieved when they offered, but of course I’ve thought about her constantly since she’s been gone. That’s how it goes, doesn’t it? Anyway, this week’s things overheard seem to mostly star the Husband and/or the Threenager:

*On the subway with her dad, the Threenager spots a man nearby with a long, Santa Claus-style beard*

The Threenager, at the top of her lungs and pointing: HAHA, A BIG BEARD!!!
Man with beard: … *turns red*
The Husband: …*smiles weakly, also turns red*

Me: I came up with a really funny one-liner!
The Husband, not looking up: *tapping away at his computer*
Me: …
The Husband, finally looking up at me: Can I just..finish typing this thing?
Me: Yeah yeah…
The Husband: *finally looks up expectantly*
Me: Okay, “Molars are the assholes of the teething world!” …get it?
The Husband: *looking at me, expressionless*
Me: Not that funny, eh?
The Husband: …*purses lips*
Me: Well it got lots of “likes” on Facebook!!

The Threenager, while jumping on our bed: Hop, jump, leak little froggy! Leak, leak, leak little froggy! Hop, jump, leak little froggy! Leak, leak, leak little froggy! (and so on)

The Husband: I can’t tell if you’re doing this on purpose, to get out of loading the dishwasher, or if you just really suck at loading the top rack. Either way, please stop.
Me: HAHAHAHA. Sorry sweetie, I just suck.

Happy Sunday!

~g

14 Signs You’re a Sleep-Deprived Parent

I know I’m not the first person out there to write about being a sleep-deprived parent. If you have kids, there is a 99% chance that you’ve had a period of time where you weren’t getting enough sleep. And if that’s not true, I don’t want to hear about it from you; you and your smug face can leave.

But there is something strangely satisfying in either writing about it or reading about it. Something to do with misery loving company, perhaps? I don’t know. Either way, I am here to tell you you’re not alone, and I have probably done something dumber than you, due to sleep deprivation.

Things Overheard This Week, episode 17

It was a pretty normal week over here, filled with chaos, meltdowns and screaming…and that was just the Teen! She’s going to kill me for writing that. All of those things did happen, just mostly thanks to the Threenager and baby C, who turned 11 months old this week. Wow, I can’t quite believe that.

The cat lay down in front of him…and you’ll never guess what happened next!

Did that work? Did my headline make you click?

Well, you’re reading this, so it must have worked a little bit.

I think I can speak for the majority of bloggers out there when I say that we have a love/hate relationship with headlines. Click-bait is a thing; everyone knows it. Some people fall for it — oh, who are we kidding? SHITLOADS of people fall for it — and that translates to more views, and more views translates to…world domination, hopefully.